and then back to some actual tumblr.

: breath : Here it is:
1. Time’s are hard, but: having actress’ “feel like” it’s fun and games for me mic’ing talent for a film/work - like I’m up close on ya and I have to get close to your boobs.. But dude.. I don’t even get to touch or cuddle or anything with anyone - so no. It absolutely gives me no pleasure in that situation - it’s work - I just want it to sound right.

2. The first few years of being in production while being in a combative and almost jealous oriented relationship first - has TOTALLY fucked the way I am on set.  A lot of people just have so much more ease on set, maybe my job is also extremely isolating and that makes sense - but I can see it now.  No one can even be mad at me anymore for talking to another girl, but it still definitely  has the greatest impact on me.  Someone looks at you or tells you you are cute, but I can’t get past that point - I freeze up - I had learned that I wasn’t allowed to create further connections and now I feel am stuck. (Edit: At this point, almost 3 years since we broke - it’s on me now - and if there’s any reason to see a psychiatrist this is the one. It’s fucked up to know, that even heartbroken, it’s not her that I crave - because it’s clear to me that she’s a different person now AND she found someone much more suited to her. and then times that x3 - congratulations to all those now married and pregs??!? Like 3 of you it’s crazy dawg, but seriously congratulations.  The only really eerie thing is that I always feel like I am that step in between these ladies finding their true companions. Which means more honestly that I will never be that companion, and that I will never find love again. Ok I have a LOT on my mind.)

3. Bonnaroo. Excited! Always will be, always will love it. Maybe my strongest characteristic is that among actually feeling like a loner, degenerate, unapproachable person: music and the gathering of peoples will always put a smile on my face.  Because I can see the good with the bad / most people are just much better at not expressing what they see as bad.  I just know how I feel and I would rather express it then dwell on it and let eat at me for not saying anything.  If I feel slighted - I will let you know because I don’t have the patience to pretend nor the talent for acting.

4. I love all women. But most of y’all can’t stand me

seem to be allowed to criticize you, no matter how long it was.

Great. None of you even talk to me - so - why don’t you just leave me alone.

The plan was to let me pay for my viewpoint on the world anyway. so

yup keep stabbing me. it’s cool. i’m good.

You’re happy - I’m starving and underemployed - it’s all good - I LOVE SHIVS 

wish someone would just cut me the fuck up so I’d just bleed out already

Wow, I think the thought of aging and passing, just caught up to me? 

Death is inevitable, ENDS are inevitable. But the time in between is not.

- I think I have been trying to live this way but, I will try harder to appreciate every glimmer of variation I can - It’s what you have left.  Maybe your connections to others aren’t as strong as you’d like, but your vision isn’t as blurry as you perceive. .. Smoke & Mirrors.  Best idea is to close my eyes and feel around until the answer arrives.  The obstacles seem quite high though.  My mental space is probably stronger then I want to assume it is but undoubtedly I still walk around with a broken heart on my sleeve.  Bandits can only hide so much without losing themselves - I’m doing my best.

I wish someone would appreciate that. 

(via seeksthenight)

OWL knows whats up

#drunk #selfhatred 

WAAAAAIIIT

#EXgirlfriendwon
#anthonyzero 

(Source: hauntedhallways, via komurki)

Note to all awesome but creepster style Inforoo-sters.

I am more then aware that losing my gf to a Phishead alters my opinion.

Ok, now. :) proceed.

#waitingforthefuckinglineupblows #bonnaroo

Valentine’s Day wishes.

swisshes and bitches ;)

naaa….

just so “worked up” recently.  My creeper tendencies are starting to break out into my daily, for better or worse I guess..

but no question.. I am gonna love the fuck out of the next girl who walks into my world. Boo. Hope I didn’t scare you in the wrong way..

(BITE)

#holyshitIAMnuts.

someone save me :)

(Source: babydearr, via yournuts)

that sometimes I see these posts from women about guys and I want to go #SMH

Nothings ever good enough - you wonder why the introverts crawl farther into themselves with some of the shit I hear.  Gotta either be ballin’ or be sooooo cool that nothing ever bothers them.  Or how about all the times they say whatever to guys because another guy will just come along and hit on you soon enough.
Well welcome to a guys world, where you don’t ever get hit on - you are supposed to be able to smooth talk any girl.  But instead, reality dictates, your past relationships make it impossible to approach a lady because you have no experience with it.
Or that you are alone - so you look like a weirdo = it is not sexy to be out by yourself, usually means you have no friends. 

Something I have to get off my chest. I want to love something again, even fleetingly for even a fucking day. But nothings ever good enough - or more truthfully, aT you are never going to be good enough.

well…i mean, facts are facts

(Source: jonwithabullet, via stainedglasscurtain)

there has been a devastating amount of sexy on my dashboard today

#nomnomnom

edit: of course RHCP’s “I Like Dirt” pops on the second I post this

thank you iTunes shuffle for stating the obvious 

(Source: shahirzag, via babezatron)

um, I would take either at this point

#stupidboy 

(via bizarre-bazaar)

#Undun #NP

I miss writing poetry - everyone hating it maybe me give up on it

(via iwannajamitwithyou)

is not giving a fuck #sigh

TRUTH and it’s been so fucking long

i-will-call-you-sir:

That’s what makes the difference between a good lover and a great lover.

(Source: crushdude, via lnlytxgrrl)

stressful ass day in court today, i can put up ONE tame picture - plus all this OWS craziness/eviction.. when I went down near the criminal court it was still a weird lock down look on the piggies eyes.

THAT’S the shit that worries me,

sigh.. need some real love and shit - losing it mang. 

(Source: hayyjayy, via cazzo-e-palle)

laaame

(Source: anchorsandmoons, via kiiimbo)